PART 1: let’s be honest, you’re probably living for society

You claim that you carefully chose an outfit, took time on your hair, wore your best shoes, and did your makeup this morning because it “makes you feel good to look good.” You claim that you do it for yourself because it makes you happy. But is that true?

If you were the last person on earth, with nobody around to impress, would wearing makeup make a difference? Would wearing nice clothes even matter? Would your expensive shoes be worth it?

A lot of us don’t realize that we aren’t really living for ourselves and for our happiness. We are living to please others; for their approval, their compliments, and their attention. That approval makes us feel so good, that it becomes our own happiness.

The other day I was looking at a boy in class who many would probably describe as the “nerdy” type. I thought to myself, the popular girl wouldn’t even look twice at him. But why? Is she better than him because they fall in a different rank on the social popularity system? Is he not impressive enough for her to look his way? Does he not please the eyes of society? If he had a lot of money, would she give him a chance?

These are some of the thoughts I pondered on these past few weeks. What really makes us happy? Why do we spend so much time worrying about our appearance? Why do we spend so much time picking out the right photo to post on Instagram? Why do we spend hundreds of dollars on one pair of sneakers? Why do we give all of our money to name brands? Why do we overlook the people that would love us the most because they don’t fit in with society’s ideal standards? Why does it matter?

My next question is, are you happy when you get it? When you get the pretty girl with the nice body or the man with all the money, are you really happy? When you get that car that was too expensive and the big house you really couldn’t afford, are you happy? Or does it just feel good to know that you fit in? To know that you look cool to your peers.

Now what happens when you start living for your own happiness? What happens when you don’t land that big job with the big name, but instead go after your passion? What happens when you spend your money on something other than the latest makeup palette or designer shoes? What happens when the goal is not to be famous, but to share your talents with the world simply because you love the feeling of making people FEEL through your work? What happens when you date the person that doesn’t fit in with society’s expectations? What happens when you stop overlooking the people that didn’t look the part to be in your friends group but genuinely have good hearts?

Would you be happy? Would you find true friends? Would you find your soulmate?

What happens when you start living for YOUR happiness and not the happiness that stems from pleasing others? What happens when you give all that stuff up and you don’t get the compliments or the attention you usually get? (From people that most likely didn’t care about you or your wellbeing anyway).

Would you be fulfilled? Or will not being like society rip away your self-esteem and happiness?

xo, Brittany Kayla

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How To: Love Yourself Before Loving Someone Else

They say you must first love yourself before you can love someone else. And when you do, you’ll find someone that loves you just as much. Well, what does that even mean? Does that mean looking in the mirror and being happy or content with what you see?

One who is insecure knows that loving yourself is a lot easier said than done. Often times, the more insecure a person is, the easier it is to latch onto others for happiness and validation. It’s also common to stay with that person no matter what physical harm or emotional damage they may cause. Because without someone there to feed their personal validation, they would feel lost. This is the result of loving your significant other more than you love yourself.

But how do you love yourself?

I came across a tweet the other day that stated, “Ya’ll love girls who don’t oil their scalp. How they gone love you if they don’t love themselves?” I pondered on this concept and thought about how silly it was to equate oiling your scalp to loving yourself. However, the more I thought about it, I realized that the girl was right. When you really love something, you take care of it. So when you  love yourself, you will invest in yourself. Singles… pay attention.

Take care of yourself physically. Workout and eat the right foods, drink more water, wash your face with your favorite mask, and do treatments to your hair. If you are investing into your health, you’ll feel refreshed, you’ll naturally glow, and you’ll feel energized.

It is also important to invest in your future. If you’re working, keep grinding and save up for your goals. If you’re in school, keep studying until you achieve that degree! Invest into your future and invest into your goals.

Do what makes you happy. I love writing and painting. I also love being alone and watching Netflix! My alone time keeps me sane, so sometimes I’ll take a raincheck on plans with friends so I can feel balanced and stress free. Take a break from life and find a hobby that you personally enjoy.

Learn to put yourself first and you will begin to truly love yourself. It’s not easy, but when you invest into your body, skin, and hair… perfect your craft, achieve your goals, and do what you love; you will reach your full potential. Once you feel like you are the best version of yourself possible, your boo will come along. Until then, enjoy YOUR life!

With love,

Brittany Kayla

 

“I’ll be happy once I get there … right?”

For a long time I’ve wanted to lose weight. I had a specific number in my head, and I knew that if I could just get down to that, I would finally be happy and content with my body and myself again. After working out and eating clean, I can confidently say that I’ve reached my original goal weight.

However, I quickly realized that losing 33 pounds was not enough. I was still unhappy. I would look in the mirror daily, picking out every flaw that I could find within myself and I quickly created a new and improved goal weight.

Today, I looked in the mirror and thought about the Brittany that was once 30 pounds heavier. I thought, that Brittany would be so proud of who is standing in front of the mirror today. That Brittany wasn’t even sure if I would make it this far or not. But here I am, and being the ungrateful person that I could sometimes be, I am still not happy.

I decided to pick out the beauty in my body. I started to view myself through the eyes of the Brittany that was 30 pounds heavier, and I actually began to like my body.

I realized that a lot of us do this. A lot of us set these big goals for ourselves, and say, “When I get there, I will finally be happy.” But we realize that when we get to that point, it’s still not enough. We are constantly trying to advance our progress. Now, there is nothing wrong with striving to do better in life. However, when our happiness depends on the amount of success we’ve achieved, we will never be fully satisfied, because we’ll always want more.

I am the biggest advocator of setting goals to become the best version of yourself possible. Your goal might relate to weight, or a business venture, or you might even strive to become a celebrity of some sort. However, there are even celebrities who have everything you could imagine, that still feel empty on the inside. The success was not enough.

You’ve got to learn to appreciate the now. You’ve got to appreciate today. Look at the things you’ve accomplished in life and appreciate how far you’ve come. Embrace the person you are today regardless of whether you’ve achieved your goals or not. Life is too short to be waiting on success to bring you happiness. You could die tomorrow, and will never be able to say that you were fully satisfied with life because you were too busy waiting on the day you achieve that goal. You were too busy working and too busy beating yourself up, that you never really appreciated earth’s beauty, never really appreciated the people around you, never really appreciated your body, or you just never really appreciated your life. You can die tomorrow unfulfilled because you were waiting on success to bring you happiness.

Learn to appreciate the life you have today. Keep setting goals for yourself, but don’t allow your inability to achieve them right away, to affect who you are or how you feel. Take a step back, look at your life… and enjoy it. Because you only get one.

xo, Brittany Kayla

With Success, Comes The Haters

I’ve learned that the more successful you get, the more of a threat you can be to those around you. Now, I’m not talking about everyone. The majority of the people around you will probably want you to prosper and succeed. However, those that can’t grasp the fact that theirs is coming too, if they just waited, are going to be the ones to exude hate.

We call them, haters. The people who are okay with you exceeding, only if it’s not above their amount of achieved success. Don’t take offense to this, rather take it as a compliment.

You might even be in a situation where you can’t seem to understand why you are the person they chose to hate on. Why are they picking on the little guy? But this is because they see something in you that you might not see in yourself yet. They can see that potential inside of you and they’ll do what it takes to make sure you don’t fulfill it in peace.

Ignore the haters and don’t look back. You have too many dreams to fulfill to be worried about what others have to say about you. You have too many things to accomplish in one day. If they are not helping you get to where you want to be in life, then their opinion does not matter. You’ve worked hard to get to this point. Don’t react in  a way you will regret over someone else’s hate.

Send them love instead. Avoid talking down on them and pray for them. The Bible says to pray for our enemies. Pray that their hearts will soften. Too many of us seek back revenge and hate, but what good will that ever do? Why would God reward someone with a heart like that?

Keep going and don’t look back. Instead of worrying about the person next to you, just keep grinding.

Life is not a competition or a race to see who gets the better life. If we all started uplifting, encouraging, and constantly inspiring one another, we could all do great things, together.

Keep working, keep inspiring and spread love.

xo, Brittany Kayla

Overcoming Insecurities

From a person that has struggled to love herself all her life, I know how cliché and honestly, unhelpful it is to hear an always smiling, self-proclaimed life motivator yelling through a screen “You are beautiful! Love yourself!” You’ll have a big smile on your face with this rush of confidence and a new and improved, “you can’t tell me nothing” attitude. Resulting in a person who actually feels on top of the world for about one hour until it’s time to step out into the real world.

I know what it feels like to go out, obsessing about what others might be thinking about you. I know what it feels like to get compliments daily, while looking in the mirror at the end of the night and not believing a thing they’ve said. Sometimes I would wish that I could see what others saw in me because I couldn’t imagine seeing anything other than what I saw in myself.

I was always afraid to admit that I had these insecurities. I was scared that I would look weak and pathetic, or like I would be crying for attention and fishing for compliments.

What I ultimately wanted was self-confidence and the ability to not care about what anyone else thought of me or my decisions. So I did my research. And what I found was a YouTube video of a woman saying all she did was looked in the mirror every single day and said, “I love myself.”

So I did it. Every day I would look myself in the eyes saying that I was beautiful. That I was the sh*t! And even if I didn’t believe it just yet, I walked out the room with my head held high thinking, “I am beautiful.”

Eventually I started viewing myself in a different light. I no longer saw myself through the lens of society. The Kardashian, makeup, implant society.

I started seeing myself through a pure lens. The natural Lisa Bonet lens. That, “this is me with no makeup, flaws and all” type of lens.

And I believed it. I still do. It’s not a temporary, false self-confidence. I am beautiful, and you are too.

xo, Brittany Kayla