ASK BRITTANY: why is it so hard to take God serious?

Dear Brittany:  Why is it so hard to take God serious? I feel like if I put two feet in and fail or fall to sin, I am a hypocrite.

I can definitely sympathize with whoever wrote this question. Growing up as a “church kid,” I’ve always been mindful of the activities I participated in. But I also grew up in a public school system with non-Christian friends and temptation, so I’d often fall short. I still do. It’s completely normal.

Don’t let one mistake, or your hundredth mistake discourage you from seeking God and striving to be the best Christian you know how to be.

I know that a lot of teens and young adults say, “Once I get older, settle down, and have kids… then I’ll be a committed Christian.” But tomorrow is not promised.

The problem here is that too many people believe that in order to be a Christian, you must be perfect. We see these church members every Sunday and we look up to them because they are so godly and seem so perfect. We often get intimidated and assume that we’d never be able to fit in because of the sins that we commit. But you would be surprised about what goes on in your own church leader’s homes behind closed doors. I am not calling them hypocrites. I am calling them human! Humans with flaws. We ALL make mistakes, whether you sit in the front or the back row of church.

So put both feet in! Strive to be the best Christian you can possibly be. The Bible says you should not be lukewarm, or in other words put one foot in and one foot out. If you fall short, just ask for forgiveness! The most beautiful thing about our God is that He will forgive you for something you believe is unforgiveable. Not saying you should intentionally sin, ask for forgiveness, and then repeat the cycle because that’s not how it works. But God knows your heart and He knows when you are genuine.

If you are struggling in a certain area or you just can’t seem to give something up, ask God for the strength and willpower to take those desires out of your heart. Don’t give up. It’s okay to make mistakes. You are not perfect, I am not perfect, your pastors not perfect, and neither are the rest of the Christians on this earth. Don’t be afraid to fail, because we ALL do. God knows your heart so keep going!

Love,

Brittany Kayla

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ASK BRITTANY: he said he doesn’t want a girlfriend, but I’m his girl?

Dear Brittany: I’ve been talking to this guy for a little while who I’ve known for years. This week he just told me that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, but that I’m his girl? Whatever that means. I just can’t seem to shake him. I can tell myself I don’t need him but then I find myself calling him and texting him and feeling stupid. I’m really not sure what to do about him.

It sounds to me like this guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. Ask yourself this question… What exactly qualifies you to be “his girl?” Are you seeing him on demand, feeding him, having sex with him, or doing relationship activities with him? What are you doing that gives him the right to declare “you are my girl?” Whatever it is you are doing, it’s making him feel entitled to believe that you belong to him.

Now my next question is, why are you doing these things when you are not his girlfriend? He probably figures, well what’s the point of making you my girlfriend when we’re already doing relationship things outside of a relationship? He gets ALL the benefits of having you, but doesn’t have to remain faithful to you, doesn’t have to respect your wishes, and doesn’t have to claim you to the world. Sounds like a win, win on his end! He is SINGLE to the world, but gets to have you behind closed doors. Don’t be that girl!

Now if this guy is someone you really really like, then my advice would be to tell him straight up, “if you are single, then so am I.” Don’t wait around for someone to see your worth. You guys can hang out every so often, but as friends. Don’t be so easily accessible to him. Right now he thinks he has you on LOCK so prove him wrong. Trust me, once he sees that you’re not picking up his every phone call and that he no longer gets the relationship benefits that he was receiving before, he’ll start getting nervous that he’s lost “his girl.”

I think you should always let the man pursue the relationship. Let him chase you. And again, if he can’t see that you are worth a relationship, then drop him! There is no point in wasting your precious time.  What if you’re ignoring, or preventing yourself from meeting your soulmate because you’re too busy trying to catch this man’s attention?

I believe that God made someone specifically for each and every one of us. So if this guy isn’t the one, then there is someone else on this earth that is. Until you find your soulmate, work on yourself. Take care of your mind, body, and tackle your goals. I promise, you won’t die as a single old lady with 30 cats. Date the man who sees your worth without you having to remind him.

Sincerely,

Brittany Kayla

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The dream GOD gave me that put my frustration to rest!

A few nights ago, I cried myself to sleep. I began to feel like my life was remaining stagnant. I have such big plans for my future that when things slow down I get nervous. And when I don’t see God doing the things I want Him to do in my life, I get frustrated. I started reading horoscopes more than I read the Bible because I began to lose hope.

But when I fell asleep, I had an odd dream. In the dream, I was at the mall with a cousin. Suddenly an alarm went off for a big storm coming through the area. People began running frantically for safety. I remember seeing the walls of the mall crumbling down as waves of water from the storm came colliding. My cousin and I were desperate to get home to our families so we caught a ride from a little boy. After driving through the storm, the little boy dropped us off to my cousin’s house. However, I wanted him to take me to my house so I could be with my family. I begged and pleaded him to take me home. “Please, please take me home so I could be with my family!” But after several attempts, his final answer was no. The boy wanted to go home before the storm got too bad. Defeated, I walked with my cousin to her house, but to my surprise, my family was there.

When I woke up, I thought to myself, “Wow, they ended up being there all along.” If I had actually gotten my way and he took me to my house, I would have been disappointed and alone.

God wants me to tell you that sometimes, when we are going through a storm, we have our own ideas of where we should be, and get frustrated when we don’t reach that destination. You might never reach that destination. But the place God has in mind for you will be so much more rewarding and beneficial.

I then started to think about the little boy who gave us the ride. I actually recognized him from real life. I work for a children’s program and the boy, named Micah, is actually the tiniest child in the program. Although, he is too small to be driving a car, I relied on him in the dream to take me to where I wanted to be.

Sometimes when our faith in God decreases, we start relying on people or things that are UNQUALIFIED to take us to our desired destination.  God then told me to look up the meaning of the name Micah, and I found out that it means “Who is like God?” And of course the answer to this question is no one!

I needed that reality check. I needed to be reminded that horoscopes are not God. People are not God. I am not God. So what I have planned for my life just might not be what He does. And that is okay, because what He has in store for you and me is so much greater than we could ever imagine ourselves. Don’t be discouraged. God has a plan.

xo, Brittany Kayla

How To: Love Yourself Before Loving Someone Else

They say you must first love yourself before you can love someone else. And when you do, you’ll find someone that loves you just as much. Well, what does that even mean? Does that mean looking in the mirror and being happy or content with what you see?

One who is insecure knows that loving yourself is a lot easier said than done. Often times, the more insecure a person is, the easier it is to latch onto others for happiness and validation. It’s also common to stay with that person no matter what physical harm or emotional damage they may cause. Because without someone there to feed their personal validation, they would feel lost. This is the result of loving your significant other more than you love yourself.

But how do you love yourself?

I came across a tweet the other day that stated, “Ya’ll love girls who don’t oil their scalp. How they gone love you if they don’t love themselves?” I pondered on this concept and thought about how silly it was to equate oiling your scalp to loving yourself. However, the more I thought about it, I realized that the girl was right. When you really love something, you take care of it. So when you  love yourself, you will invest in yourself. Singles… pay attention.

Take care of yourself physically. Workout and eat the right foods, drink more water, wash your face with your favorite mask, and do treatments to your hair. If you are investing into your health, you’ll feel refreshed, you’ll naturally glow, and you’ll feel energized.

It is also important to invest in your future. If you’re working, keep grinding and save up for your goals. If you’re in school, keep studying until you achieve that degree! Invest into your future and invest into your goals.

Do what makes you happy. I love writing and painting. I also love being alone and watching Netflix! My alone time keeps me sane, so sometimes I’ll take a raincheck on plans with friends so I can feel balanced and stress free. Take a break from life and find a hobby that you personally enjoy.

Learn to put yourself first and you will begin to truly love yourself. It’s not easy, but when you invest into your body, skin, and hair… perfect your craft, achieve your goals, and do what you love; you will reach your full potential. Once you feel like you are the best version of yourself possible, your boo will come along. Until then, enjoy YOUR life!

With love,

Brittany Kayla

 

When Life Spins Out of Control

My Easter definitely didn’t go as planned, as I had gotten into my very first car accident. I was actually on my way to church, driving on the highway, when my rear tire popped and car spun out of control into the side of the highway ramp. When the tire first popped, I thought I’d be able to safely brake and pull

over onto the side of the highway. But once my car started spinning, I realized I had zero control over the situation. I didn’t know what to do. There was nothing I really could do. I could have tried to maneuver the wheel in different directions to avoid hitting another car, but that might have made the situation worse. I could have asked my passenger what to do, but they wouldn’t have had the answer. The only thing I knew I could do, was call on God. As the car spun, I held onto the wheel tight screaming, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!”

My car ended up landing safely on the side of the highway where no cars could interfere. Both my passenger and I left without a scratch. You see, when all of your faith lies in God, He will become the first one you call to for help in the midst of your life spinning out of control. I realized that some situations are just too big for me to handle on my own, and relying on friends can be problematic. But if your life is spinning out of control, and you give your issues to GOD, He will ensure that you end up landing in a safe and comfortable place.

A lot of us say that our faith lies in God, but He’s the last one we call on in the midst of our storms. Why is it that when we get bad news or are going through a tough time, we run to the phone and call on people who have zero power over the situation? Why is God, who has all control, not the first one we run to?

Some of us even try to handle our storms on our own. A few hours after my accident, I heard the news about Steve Stephens, a man who senselessly murdered innocent Robert Godwin Sr. on Facebook live. Stephens claimed Godwin was his 14th victim, and he had been killing innocent people all day simply because his life reached its breaking point.  As I watched this man’s video explaining why he did what he did, all I could see was a cry for help. I don’t know what Stephens was going through, but I can’t help but to think, “if only he gave his problems to God.”

Even when you’re at your breaking point, and you feel like no one is there, call on God. Even when you feel like He’s not listening, still call on God. Even if He doesn’t respond right away or as fast as you prefer, call on God. Even if He doesn’t handle the situation the way you want it to be handled, still call on God! When your faith lies in God, you can have peace, even in the midst of your storm and life spinning out of control, that He will work it out the RIGHT way.

Stop trying to take control of the wheel and maneuvering it in different directions. Stop calling on your passengers for answers. Hold on tight, and call on the one who has all control. “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! Take control of our lives!”

xo, Brittany Kayla

3 keys you’ll need to maintain a successful relationship

1. Communication

As much as you think your partner knows about you, they cannot and will not read your mind! They are going to do things that get under your skin from time to time… that’s inevitable. But it’s important to let them know exactly what it is that’s bothering you, when it first starts to bothers you, so they can never say you didn’t tell them. However, make sure you aren’t over exaggerating. No one wants to be with someone that complains about the littlest things every day. Your partner will eventually feel like nothing they do will ever be good enough for you.

As it’s crucial to share your issues, make sure you are also communicating when they are doing something right, so they can continue to effortlessly put a smile on your face.

2. Make the necessary changes

It can be over something big or small, but if your partner is communicating an issue with you about something you are doing, then you need to make the necessary changes regarding that behavior. If you don’t do this, then you will find yourself having the same exact argument over and over again.

Often times, the problem here is that you can’t seem to understand why your actions are hurting your partner. Try visualizing the situation from their point of view. How would you feel if they did to you what you did to them? Even then, you still might not find fault in your behavior. But if you really love them, you would at least take their feelings into consideration and come up with some sort of compromise between the two of you that will make you both comfortable and happy.

3. Honesty

The final key to a successful relationship is honesty, especially when it comes to important matters. If you aren’t happy anymore, be honest and communicate exactly why that is. Don’t wait until it’s too late or till after you’ve hurt them to start being honest about why you did what you did. Don’t sugarcoat a situation that has the potential to make or break your relationship.

Most relationships fail because of the amount of petty issues that pile up without getting resolved. A successful relationship requires effort and compromise from both parties. Take these three essential keys into consideration, and share them with your partner to ensure your relationship remains strong and healthy!

xo, Brittany Kayla

“I’ll be happy once I get there … right?”

For a long time I’ve wanted to lose weight. I had a specific number in my head, and I knew that if I could just get down to that, I would finally be happy and content with my body and myself again. After working out and eating clean, I can confidently say that I’ve reached my original goal weight.

However, I quickly realized that losing 33 pounds was not enough. I was still unhappy. I would look in the mirror daily, picking out every flaw that I could find within myself and I quickly created a new and improved goal weight.

Today, I looked in the mirror and thought about the Brittany that was once 30 pounds heavier. I thought, that Brittany would be so proud of who is standing in front of the mirror today. That Brittany wasn’t even sure if I would make it this far or not. But here I am, and being the ungrateful person that I could sometimes be, I am still not happy.

I decided to pick out the beauty in my body. I started to view myself through the eyes of the Brittany that was 30 pounds heavier, and I actually began to like my body.

I realized that a lot of us do this. A lot of us set these big goals for ourselves, and say, “When I get there, I will finally be happy.” But we realize that when we get to that point, it’s still not enough. We are constantly trying to advance our progress. Now, there is nothing wrong with striving to do better in life. However, when our happiness depends on the amount of success we’ve achieved, we will never be fully satisfied, because we’ll always want more.

I am the biggest advocator of setting goals to become the best version of yourself possible. Your goal might relate to weight, or a business venture, or you might even strive to become a celebrity of some sort. However, there are even celebrities who have everything you could imagine, that still feel empty on the inside. The success was not enough.

You’ve got to learn to appreciate the now. You’ve got to appreciate today. Look at the things you’ve accomplished in life and appreciate how far you’ve come. Embrace the person you are today regardless of whether you’ve achieved your goals or not. Life is too short to be waiting on success to bring you happiness. You could die tomorrow, and will never be able to say that you were fully satisfied with life because you were too busy waiting on the day you achieve that goal. You were too busy working and too busy beating yourself up, that you never really appreciated earth’s beauty, never really appreciated the people around you, never really appreciated your body, or you just never really appreciated your life. You can die tomorrow unfulfilled because you were waiting on success to bring you happiness.

Learn to appreciate the life you have today. Keep setting goals for yourself, but don’t allow your inability to achieve them right away, to affect who you are or how you feel. Take a step back, look at your life… and enjoy it. Because you only get one.

xo, Brittany Kayla

With Success, Comes The Haters

I’ve learned that the more successful you get, the more of a threat you can be to those around you. Now, I’m not talking about everyone. The majority of the people around you will probably want you to prosper and succeed. However, those that can’t grasp the fact that theirs is coming too, if they just waited, are going to be the ones to exude hate.

We call them, haters. The people who are okay with you exceeding, only if it’s not above their amount of achieved success. Don’t take offense to this, rather take it as a compliment.

You might even be in a situation where you can’t seem to understand why you are the person they chose to hate on. Why are they picking on the little guy? But this is because they see something in you that you might not see in yourself yet. They can see that potential inside of you and they’ll do what it takes to make sure you don’t fulfill it in peace.

Ignore the haters and don’t look back. You have too many dreams to fulfill to be worried about what others have to say about you. You have too many things to accomplish in one day. If they are not helping you get to where you want to be in life, then their opinion does not matter. You’ve worked hard to get to this point. Don’t react in  a way you will regret over someone else’s hate.

Send them love instead. Avoid talking down on them and pray for them. The Bible says to pray for our enemies. Pray that their hearts will soften. Too many of us seek back revenge and hate, but what good will that ever do? Why would God reward someone with a heart like that?

Keep going and don’t look back. Instead of worrying about the person next to you, just keep grinding.

Life is not a competition or a race to see who gets the better life. If we all started uplifting, encouraging, and constantly inspiring one another, we could all do great things, together.

Keep working, keep inspiring and spread love.

xo, Brittany Kayla

Before You Commit, Keep This In Mind…

In this generation, finding a faithful man is almost like finding a citizen that returns a missing wallet instead of stealing it. They just aren’t expected anymore. Rather than loyalty being the ordinary, women are now getting into relationships with the expectation of getting hurt. And it seems like the faithful men want a cookie for doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Through personal experience, I’ve realized you have to go into a relationship with your guard up. A lot of men will be purely infatuated with you. They will love the idea of you. They will love the way you look. They will fall in lust. They will want to hurry up and take you off the market before any other man could get to you. He will probably hit you with the lines, “Your ex is stupid, and if I am lucky enough to have you, I would never mess it up.” You’ll give him the time of day, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you there. He might even prematurely confess his love for you. Talk about a life with you. A family with you. Vacations with you.

But eventually, that fascination, lust, or “love” will become expired. He might have thought he really loved you. But what he didn’t realize was that his love was infatuation. The inevitable temporary, puppy love honeymoon phase.

However, when you come across the right one, it will never expire. Fifty years can pass and he will still look at you the same as the day he met you.

Patience is the key.

It can be so easy to commit yourself to the person who seems like a “dream come true” shortly after a break up. Don’t do it. This is infatuation. Give it time before you commit to someone new.

And when you do find the one you really want, give it some more time. Keep your guard up for a few months before committing.  If he really wants you, he will do everything in his power to keep you. Get past the honeymoon stage, and see if the love is still fresh. See if he still gives you that feeling. Or if it was just infatuation.

Lastly, do not do “wifey” things for a man that is not yours. You’re giving it up, feeding him, doing what he asks, when he asks. Why commit when he can have his cake and eat it too?

Mr. Right is out there, you just have to be patient. Even when you think you’ve found him, wait it out! Allow him time to reveal each side of him. The reason why it’s so hard for girls to leave toxic relationships, is because they’ve ignored all of the red flags in the beginning… commit, and become attached. Take your time.

Love,

Brittany Kayla

Why I am never worried about my future

I am never worried about the future. I have so many plans and aspirations for my life. And when I really think about it, it’s so scary. It’s scary to think, what if it doesn’t go my way? What if I end up with a mediocre job, a lifeless marriage, a few kids and a dog? While all of that is fine, it’s not what I envision for my future. I want more out of life.

Being Christian, I know that everything might not go my way. God’s plan might be way different than what I want. I also know that whatever His plan is for my life, will always be greater than what I had envisioned for myself. With that being said, I am never worried about my future.

At the same time, I’ve realized that I can’t make my own decisions and then expect for it to align with what God wants. You have to pray before making big decisions in life. Pray that God will guide you in the right direction. Sometimes we don’t know what to do, and no amount of advice from any other person in this world will make you feel more secure than the direction of God.

For example, I’ve tried to make my own decisions when it came to relationships. I would say, “This is the one. I want him to be the one I marry one day.” With no regards to if this is who God had designed me to be with. What if he has someone so much better for me?

I remember I was in a relationship and I told God, “Okay. I need you to tell me if this is the one. Remove him from my life if he will ever hurt me in the future. I don’t want to waste another day on someone I am not meant to be with. Please, give me a sign.” A couple days after that prayer I found out some things that showed me, he is not the one for me.

And then I thought, had I just prayed about it before… Prayed about the decision of being in a relationship with this man, I would not have gotten hurt.

If you allow God to lead your life, you will have nothing to worry about. Of course you will go through trials and tribulations, but always remain faithful to God, and He will bless your life. I promise. Give Him control.

xo, Brittany Kayla

“Every time I date someone new, I end up hurt…”

fightingcouple

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she was telling me about a conversation she had with her mom. Her mother said, “Don’t you wish food could be opposites? Like healthy food was bad for you and junk food was good for you?” And my friend’s response was, “No, because if the roles were reversed, we would probably crave the bad food anyway just because we’re not supposed to have it.” And then I thought about it. Maybe she was right. Maybe, we naturally want what we should not have.

Women that constantly get hurt by every man they date, might be able to correlate their choice of men to junk food. The stuff that looks oh so good and gives you that warm sense of satisfaction, but ends up being detrimental to your health in the long run. Some of us… need to go on a diet.

When one goes on a diet, they are usually doing so to become the best version of themselves possible. They’ll start eating more veggies, which might not taste or look the best, but at the end of the day will be the most beneficial to them. Of course, the beginning will always be hard. You might see that piece of chocolate, and will be tempted to give up. However, those that really want to look and feel their best, will stick through it.

Now let’s correlate this to a relationship. We might not want to date out of our preference range. But imagine if you changed your psychology for one day. Picture a man that is not your “type.”  Imagine if you looked at him differently and gave him a chance. Imagine if this is the man that ends up assisting in making you the best version of yourself possible while also making you the happiest girl on earth. Imagine if this guy is the one for you.

Sooner or later, you won’t even see it as a diet. Because, think about it. When most people on diets get used to their routine, it becomes a lifestyle rather than an inconvenient attempt at losing weight. Fast, fatty foods are no longer desirable.

Maybe you’ll have a different eye for him after a while. You’ll see the beauty in him. You’ll see a different person than what you saw before. And you won’t even crave the bad stuff anymore, because you’ll see more than that.

Maybe the problem is your inability to date outside of your preference. Good guys come in all shapes and sizes. Don’t overlook your blessing.

With love,

Brittany Kayla

Overcoming Insecurities

From a person that has struggled to love herself all her life, I know how cliché and honestly, unhelpful it is to hear an always smiling, self-proclaimed life motivator yelling through a screen “You are beautiful! Love yourself!” You’ll have a big smile on your face with this rush of confidence and a new and improved, “you can’t tell me nothing” attitude. Resulting in a person who actually feels on top of the world for about one hour until it’s time to step out into the real world.

I know what it feels like to go out, obsessing about what others might be thinking about you. I know what it feels like to get compliments daily, while looking in the mirror at the end of the night and not believing a thing they’ve said. Sometimes I would wish that I could see what others saw in me because I couldn’t imagine seeing anything other than what I saw in myself.

I was always afraid to admit that I had these insecurities. I was scared that I would look weak and pathetic, or like I would be crying for attention and fishing for compliments.

What I ultimately wanted was self-confidence and the ability to not care about what anyone else thought of me or my decisions. So I did my research. And what I found was a YouTube video of a woman saying all she did was looked in the mirror every single day and said, “I love myself.”

So I did it. Every day I would look myself in the eyes saying that I was beautiful. That I was the sh*t! And even if I didn’t believe it just yet, I walked out the room with my head held high thinking, “I am beautiful.”

Eventually I started viewing myself in a different light. I no longer saw myself through the lens of society. The Kardashian, makeup, implant society.

I started seeing myself through a pure lens. The natural Lisa Bonet lens. That, “this is me with no makeup, flaws and all” type of lens.

And I believed it. I still do. It’s not a temporary, false self-confidence. I am beautiful, and you are too.

xo, Brittany Kayla